is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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