ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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