im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
