am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this will be a night to untag.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
