I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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