i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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