turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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