We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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