dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
