Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your cock deserves a montage
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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