it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was confusing and full of hummus
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
