wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
