East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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