I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
