Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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