She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
