I feel great
I just peed on a car
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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