dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
