So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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