she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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