I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
