i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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