i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My ass is underappreciated
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
