remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Alive.
So much puke
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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