just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
