there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
