I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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