All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
