Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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