remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
