That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
