We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
