genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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