ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
