girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
