he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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