the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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