Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
