Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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