Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
two words...techno handjob
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
