Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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