Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
