she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
