there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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