If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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