better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
3 2 1 whiskey
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
