she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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