oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
