She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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