Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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