She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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