Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
