Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Duck Duck Cougar?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
