he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
