Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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