I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
