Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
