there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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