hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
