mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
