My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
