never play flip cup with pint glasses
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
