I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
