it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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