based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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