So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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